If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation. — Lao Tzu

Last Sunday I gathered up an eclectic mix of women and hosted a gathering at my house.  Everyone brought something to add to our buffet style "table of plenty" and we spent the afternoon taking and eating and sharing - our food, our stories, our selves and most importantly, our hearts.

Although most of the women gathered had never met before Sunday, there was an instant comfort and connection in our coming together.  As the afternoon went on, each of us would comment that it felt as though we had all known each and been gathering around a table for years. And the stories we shared with each other were incredible - stories of adversity and hardship and courageousness and reclaiming and awakening. 

Stories about taking something that broke our heart or our spirit and making something good come out of it - a way to make a difference in the world, a way to help ease another's suffering - story after story of doing something instead of nothing and bringing a little light into what had before been only darkness.

Stories of coming home to ourselves; of brave women who recognize that the greatest gift we each have to give each other and the world are our stories of self-transformation. 

I have always believed that there is no darkness greater than the light and that there is nothing that cannot be healed or transformed through love, which is probably why the above quote from Lao Tzu spoke so strongly to me this morning.  

I don't know why bad things happen to really good people.  I can't tell you why children are born to parents that don't know how to love or nurture them, or why husbands leave, or best friends betray you, or you're fired from a job you love or someone in your life chooses drug or drink or suicide despite your best efforts to save them from themselves.  

Nope, I don't know why  - even after spending a whole lot of years trying.  My answers were never found in the "why" but rather in the "how" - how can I use (this) to help others?  How can I use (this) to bring light into the darkness? 

As Helen Keller is quoted as saying, "Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it" and that is what kept repeating through my mind this last Sunday as I listened to the stories of the women gathered around me. 

As I listened to my own.     

If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation. — Lao Tzu

oh great.....

The planet Neptune (the ruler of Pisces) has just entered Pisces to stay for 13 years. The last time Neptune was in Pisces was from 1848 to 1862 and during that time many asylums or Hospitals for the Insane were established, Henry David Thoreau wrote Walden, and Bulfinch published The Age of Fables. Also during this time, Abraham Lincoln was elected President and the following year, the US Civil War began.

That from my favorite astrologer this morning. 

And here I was just saying this is going to be the year of letting it be easy.  Something tells me (born in the sign of Pisces) I may have to tweak my game plan. 

Just a little anyway.

(sigh)

serious yum

I'll admit it.  I spend waaaaaay too much time on the internet.  Like I'll sit down to do one quick simple thing and find myself in my chair in front of the computer screen two hours (ok - sometimes four) and 47 bookmarked urls in my favorites folder, later. 

 I have two computers that sit side by side on my desk.  Yep.  Two.  (Which doesn't include the Mac in my art room for artistic stuff.)   And I will admit that my son once observed that my desk top screens look like a digital version of  a "Hoarders" episode. 

I had to buy a new computer a few months back because the old one was full and bogged down and even though I couldn't use it without swearing in frustration - I couldn't bear to delete or get rid of anything that was on it. 

My latest passion (and greatest diversion) is Pinterest.  I can't get enough.  It's the ultimate eye candy smorgasbord - a whole community of people (like me) who probably spend too much time on the computer finding really cool stuff that they love on the internet  - and then (enthusiastically) sharing it (and themselves) with others by "pinning" pictures onto personalized bulletin boards. 

Like the above picture of Apple Dumplings which I found last night.  And which made my mouth water in anticipation enough that I had to track down the website with the recipe, made a quick trip to the store for the ingredients and ......made this morning for breakfast.  (Yes - with the ice cream - it IS DaniMonth y'all!!) 

As the snow was gently falling outside my window in the early hours of dawn, the smell of pastry, apples and cinnamon filled my house. 

We are talking some serious yum here.  Mind. Body. And spirit.
So much yum that this made it to the top of my weekly "bliss list"!! 

But don't take my word for it - try it for yourself - with the ice cream of course!  (wink)

Apple Dumplings

from The Pioneer Woman

2 sticks butter

1 tsp. vanilla
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 tubes crescent rolls
2 granny smith apples
12 ounces of Mountain Dew
Cinnamon
Vanilla ice cream (optional)

Directions: Peel and slice your apples. Wrap each slice in a crescent dough triangle and place in sprayed (greased) pan. In a bowl, melt your butter and stir in sugar and vanilla. Pour over top of the wrapped apples....or spread on top with a spoon. Pour the Mt. Dew all around and sprinkle with Cinnamon. Place in 350 degree oven for 30 to 40 minutes. Serve hot with ice cream!

Self love is:

Being me.  Just. As. I. Am.  Having the courage to stand up for what I believe in because I believe in it - regardless of what another thinks of me for believing what I believe in. It's making a decision that I am no longer willing to change who I am for another person because who I am makes them uncomfortable with themselves. 

That I have a right to my opinions and that there are things I don't agree with; things I think are wrong, actions and behaviors I don't want to be in any way involved in and excuses I don't buy.  Not for a red hot minute.

Giving up the need to be "right" and accepting that I am not here to "tell" anyone else what to do with their life - I am here to lead by my shining example and the greatest testiment to the power of love, faith and trust is living it myself.  Out loud.

Saying no to the things that deserve a no and saying yes to the things that deserve a yes.   Without apology, regret or guilt.

Embracing the wonderful of my life - knowing it's wonderful because of the choices I made to let it be wonderful along the way.

Removing the word "HARD" from my vocabulary and letting it be easy.  As it most often is. As most things are when they come from the heart.

So yes, that's where I'm doing my rolling and basking today - on day 9 of DaniMonth.  In my own sunshine - and daringly, without sunscreen.

Every morning....

Every morning
creation calls you by name
wakes you up with a hint
of paths to walk
roses to smell
stories to carry from inside to out

Every morning the day
sprawls itself across your life-
an empty canvas
begging for a masterpiece
of vermilion ideas,
crimson conversations,
quiet time in viridian forests.

"Slow down!" it warns
from the blue horizon-
its recipe for joy
a subtle nudging
to turn off the noise
that pounds at your life.

Every morning
creation asks for your help
in growing the beauty,
turning the awe into cello sonatas,
plein air paintings, rap songs and sonnets
to give to the wind

Every morning
the arms of the world stretch around you
and give you the chance
to make finite the Infinite,
enflesh the Word
that breathes you alive.

 ©2012 Jan Phillips

Every morning creation calls - asking something of me.  And I, by my thought, action, attitude, and response, answer. As it is for each of us. Each and every morning. 

for the love of convertibles (and ok - snow)

The above is a picture of the car that brought me home from the hospital 3 days after my birth. Over the years as the story was told, there was always a bit of controversy and even contention that went along with it about whether my father purchased the car as a gift for my mother (after giving birth to me) or for me to have a carriage that would transport me in style.  In any event, it was quite the car - brand new off the car lot.  Luxurious. And bright shiny red. 

For the first five years of my life, I was chauffered around in that car.  Most all of it with the wind blowing in my face and my feet firmly planted on the front seat standing up (yep - standing) beside my mom as she drove us around.

(**as a side note: my carriage was traded in for a station wagon upon the birth of my first younger brother and I don't think I've ever gotten over my resentment.) 

But anyhoos.....to me, that car is proof positive that I was born to be a queen, and most probably also the reason my favorite color has always been red, I have always loved the feel of the wind in my face and I have always had an affinity for convertibles. (Especially red ones.)

It’s also the reason my hub rented my dream car for me every year for my birth day week for five years running:   

be still my beating heart.......



Until last year.  When I told him not to rent it for me because it always (always) snows on my birthday and the car has ended up parked in the garage, and it was a waste of money.  And because ok - I was pouting. (Just a little.) And because I was really counting on him saying, "Don't be ridiculous.  There is NO WAY I am not getting you your car for your birthday - even if it does sit in the garage all week."

(**as a side note:  do not kid yourself into believing you can tell a practical, analytic and frugal card carrying member of the man species something practical, analytical and frugal and expect him to suddenly switch sides and pull out the impractical because it's the romantic thing to do. No matter how much he loves you.)

And of course, there is another aspect to the story that I also need to mention:  shortly before my mom died, she wrote me a letter and one of the paragraphs in the letter told me how she would send me signals each season after her passing; like for instance that each snowflake that fell would be tiny bits of frozen stardust she would send down from heaven to remind me she was still with me and loved me.

So how can I begrudge the 6 to 12 inches of snow that always comes the week of my offical birth day?  Or ask her to send her love letter from heaven some other time during the month because I want to tool around town in a shiny red convertible?  .

Hmmm.
Taking a moment to ponder the situation. 
 
I search out my busband.
Tell him I want the car put back on the top of my list again this year.
"But you know it's going to snow and it'll end up parked in the garage again - right?" he asks.
"I'll take my chances." I say.
He nods.  (After 32 years, he knows my time in practical was bound to be short lived.) 

I have a different plan this year. I'm going to drive around in my convertible, laughing out loud as I go, wherever I go until the snow comes.  But this time when it comes, I'm not going to leave the car parked in the garage and pout about "not fair!".  Nope. I’m going to go out to the garage, start the engine, crank up the tunes, put the top down and back that rented Mustang right on out of the garage and sit (contentedly) in the driveway as my mom sprinkles love in the form of snowflakes all around me. I might even stand up in the front seat and pretend I'm five years old again with the wind in my face and her beside me.

I won't always be in Wisconsin for my birthday - one day I'll be back home on the West Coast, amongst my peeps and in the land that I love the most; beside my ocean, basking in the sunshine and 70 degree Februarys.  And I won't have to rent a convertible for a week because I'll have one of my own all year around.  And it will be red. And I'll take my grandchildren to all the magical places one can go in a convertible with the wind in their faces.

Something tells me I'll miss those birthdays in Wisconsin with the promise of snow flakes swirling,  so I'm going to treasure it now while I have it.

DaniMonth

OK, so those of you who have been reading me for any length of time know that February is DaniMonth.  A full month (29 days this year) of celebrating all things Dani in the month of my birth. 

Lest you think me totally self indulgent, (keyword = totally) I started the practice years ago when a dear friend of mine was approaching her big 40 and I told her that one day to celebrate the awesome bodaciousness of her was not nearly enough and by royal decree (yes, mine) gave her the whole month instead.  Thirty days instead of one.  It was so much fun, we pinky pledged to carry on the tradition and so we have.  Hers in May and mine in February for the last 15 years.  

And we've shared the tradition with others.  Because one day (a birthday once a year) is not nearly enough time to take it all in or celebrate ourselves.

Over the years I've added some little rituals to the whole celebratory birth month concept. On January 31, I make a list of all the things I love, the things that bring me joy, the things I want for my life, the things that make me come alive and then I make a conscious commitment to bring at least one thing from my list into my life each and every day during DaniMonth.  I also start each and every day with a little love note to myself.  

And the first 12 days of DaniMonth are representative and symbolic of the 12 months of my upcoming year and where I set my energetic intention.  It's also where I review the past year - what I learned, what I want to learn, where I've been and where I still hope to go.

There is only one hard and fast rule to DaniMonth - I don't do anything that I don't want to do.  I don't do shoulds or ought tos.  I don't say yes when I want to say no and I sequester myself from those who would show up to rain on my celebratory parade.

It is my month after-all.  A month where I indulge myself and my flights of fancy without any guilt or recriminations.  A month where  I laugh and clap my hands with glee.  A month where I eat cake for breakfast, wear lots of red, hang on my every word, laugh at my own jokes and marvel at my own wit.  

It's a month where I live each day smack dab in the middle of my amazing and let my life be the wonderful that it is.

Nope - one day is not nearly enough time to celebrate it all. 
It's DaniMonth - bring on the fun and festive!!
I can't wait to get started!!