Scattering Joy

Years ago I started journaling a gratitude list.  I had a mentor at the time who had given me a two week assignment, and I can remember telling her (after a week) that this whole gratitude thing was stupid and wasn’t working.  She told me to keep at it for another two weeks.  And then another. And another, and well, here I am all these years later still doing it.   It wasn’t stupid and it did work then and still does today.  

So I’m cruising around the internet the other night and come across a blog with a really fun project called “The Little Bliss List.”  As creator Liv Lane writes, “It’s like a gratitude list, but rather than just being thankful for the things I have…I want to be thankful for the way I feel….sharing a list of the bliss in my midst, reflecting on moments over the past week where I’ve caught myself in a sense of wonder, contentment, and true joy.”

It doesn't take more than that to convince me!

I’m in!! 

So, so, so in.
Sharing bliss and scattering joy.
Love it.

My one little word for 2012 is embrace and my tag line is, “let your life be wonderful” and I can’t think of a better way to do that than by practicing gratitude and sharing blissful joy. 

Although the goal of the party is to post a little bliss list every Friday, I figure it’s ok that I’m a day late the first time out of the gate – somehow I don’t think bliss cares what day it’s shared…….as long as it is.

So without further ado, here’s my little list of 5 things that brought bliss into my midst this week – and where and when I felt a (sincere) sense of wonder, contentment and true joy:

1.)    Facebook.  Yea I know – I balked and fought it for a long time.  But I have reconnected with a side of my family that has been long separated and estranged.  And it feels wonderful.  (In fact I had a conversation with my niece just this morning!)

2.)    My new “Smash” journal.  When the box from Amazon came, I couldn’t wait to open it and pull out my journal!  I touched each page, even held it up to my nose and took a deep breath.  There’s just something so magical about the smell of a new book – especially ones with blank pages just waiting to be filled.

3.)    Red tulips. I LOVE red tulips.  3 dozen of them on my desk in a round vase that used to belong to my grandmother and where she always arranged her red tulips too.

4.)    My granddaughter, the most precious Princess Olivia.  She doesn’t just walk now, she runs.  To everything – with her arms outstretched and wide open.  And the way she brings me things, saying, “grrr” (which I know means grandma) demanding my undivided attention and settling for nothing less.  (As it should be.)

5.)    The sweet customer who came into my store bearing a piece of triple layer chocolate cake for me yesterday and presented it to me as she told me how much she loves my store and everything in it and how much joy it brings her to spend time here in the “sanctuary” I’ve created.    

more and less

“There comes a time in your life when you realize

you have more yesterdays than you have tomorrows.”

(Grey’s Anatomy)

I am now a card carrying member of that club    
I have more yesterdays than I do tomorrows.

I’d never thought of it that way.

Well – never as more than a fleeting thought anyway.
And it’s kind of weird to think about really.
But important.

Statistically speaking, average life expectancy figures give me another 30 years – and while on one hand that seems like a lot of time, on the other hand, it doesn’t feel like nearly enough.

Especially when I look at my children.  And my precious baby granddaughter.

Knowing  with a certainty that brings tears to my eyes that one day, long before I am ready, I will be called to leave them.

And just that quickly, I’m thinking about those tomorrows (and my life in general) in a different way.    

How will I spend tomorrow?   

What kind of yesterdays will I add to my existing accumulation?
Will the glass holding my last remaining years be half full or half empty?

Will I raise my glass in a toast, holding it high in anticipation for what is still to come or will I look at what has already been consumed and hold onto sadness or complications or resentment or worse, regret for what has already passed by or happened and can’t be changed?   

And maybe ( just maybe) it’s not about doing and seeing and being more than I already am  and having more than I already have as much as it’s taking what I’ve done, the places I’ve been and everything I’ve seen and sitting down  comfortably in the middle of my life - letting it be good and easy and graciously simple for the rest of my life. 

Yep – it’s somewhat weird to think about.

But it’s important.
For me anyway.

Because this is where I choose. 
Where I set the intention and the mood and the stage.
The proverbial hill where I plant my flag. 
Where I decide whether to live in the years that hold my yesterdays or the years that hold my tomorrows.

The choice seems so much more important to me now than it did when I was younger and had time stretched out in front of me in what seemed like an endless supply. 

And  I want to choose wisely.

Intentionally.
Consciously.
Mindfully.

Every moment of every day of every year of the rest of my life.

Because I can’t get any of those yesterdays back.  Or change them.
Only the tomorrows.

It’s kind of ironic – at the start of the year I declared January as the official “let your life be wonderful” month, but now I realize that one month is not nearly long enough.  There’s a whole lot more wonderful out there and I am going to be in pursuit of each second of it.

“There comes a time in your life when you realize you have

more yesterdays than you have tomorrows.”

Yea.

And maybe that realization changes things for you.
Like it did for me.

It is said that at the moment of our death we are held accountable not just for what we did in our life, but also for what we didn't do.  The opportunites for happiness and joy and love and laughter we let pass by.

I don't want to miss one more moment of any of that.

And so I look at the glass in my hand still holding enough liquid to take some lusty gulps and I raise it in a toast, “For all that has been,  thank-you.  For all that will be, yes.*” 

Bring on the wonderful - for tomorrow and for yesterday.

For it all.

However long that is.

(*a simple prayer by Dag Hammerskjold)

Happy New Year?

The New Year typically finds many of us reflecting on where we are in our lives and thinking about improvements we'd like to make. Most of the time, our resolutions center around things like losing weight, exercising more, eating better, or taking time for ourselves, etc.


Most of us start out with commitment and resolve only to find ourselves back where we started in a matter of weeks or months. All we really achieve in this cycle is an increased sense of frustration and guilt because once again, we didn’t keep at it and follow through with what we told ourselves we were going to do - and then we’re left feeling awful about ourselves.

It’s time to stop that insanity.

The longest spiritual journey ever undertaken is the 18” between

your head and your heart.

Ask most people what they want for their life and the “thinking” answer comes easily. They’ll tell you they want to be happy, or have a life surrounded by love. They want to be more authentic, live wholeheartedly, or be successful. They want to have more time to pursue their passions or their dreams.

So, if it’s so easy to identify the want, why do most people find it so hard to envision it, integrate it and live it?

I’ve found it to be 3 simple things: intention, definition, and action.

Want to know more?  I have a step by step guideline to help you!!  Click here for Chapter 2 of The Divine Gift of You - and start building your foundation for a really great 2012!!

no thank you

Distance yourself from negative people. – Every time you subtract negative from your life you make room for more positive. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. Let go of negative people, for they are the greatest destroyers of self confidence and self esteem. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. (Mark and Angel Blog)

Yea. 

That’s my new mantra for 2012.

Where I say, (politely but firmly), "no thank you" to people who suck the happy and confident right out of me.  

Especially since right now, I feel like I’m a pawn in the middle of a battle of wills that I don’t want to be involved in or fight.

(sigh)      

It started out with a person who is known as a bit of a bully telling me (angrily) what I can and can’t do, or what I should and shouldn’t do about something that isn’t any of her business in the first place in front of people who then felt it was their right to tell me (in my personal opinion just as forcibly as the bully) what I should and shouldn’t do about it or take from her.

And even though they tell me they are just looking out for me, (and I believe they believe they are) what they don’t see is that from my end, it feels the same.

It’s just another version of bullying.

No matter how prettily it’s wrapped. 
Or how empowering it seems on the surface.
It’s still being shoved on me.
Forcibly.  Passionately.

Both sides are (in effect) telling me what I should and shouldn’t do in a situation based on their own perceptions,  personal agendas and/or triggers, about what's right or wrong, and no matter what kind of positive spin they try to put on it (whether for me or for them) or how well they justify their stand - to me, it all shakes down to be the same thing in the end. 

And the hypocrisy (am I the only one that can see it?) makes me want to bang my head against the wall in frustration.

So, feeling a little battered after the latest onslaught, I was debriefing with my bff on the phone:

“What did you say?” she asked.
“Nothing” I say, somewhat dejectedly, “I just sat there and took it.”
She laughs.  “No you didn’t,” she says, “I know you better than that.  You were saying all kinds of things back to her in your head and formulating a plan for how you would handle her in the future weren’t you?”
“Yea, I was.” I admit with a smile.

And we both laugh because she knows me inside and out - exactly what I do and how I do it in my own way and in my own time.

Years ago I came up with the perfect antidote for situations that leave me feeling somewhat impotent.  With the help of a simple little graphics program, I take the offending person’s head and put it on a cow body. 

imagine a mean, negative person's head on this body

It works every time.

In the privacy of my own mind. 

Without taking hostages. 

Much better (for me) than the thought of an ill prepared and awkward confrontation that has my heart pounding and my stomach tied up in knots.

Yep - it might have looked like I sat there and “took it” to others looking in, but the truth is, I didn’t.

So this is my stand and where I plant my flag; just because you can take someone on and battle it out, doesn’t mean I can or want to or should, nor do you have any right to expect me to.  Likewise, just because you didn’t stand up to a bully in your own life doesn’t mean you can force me into doing it so you can live vicariously through me.

Maybe if we all thought about that before forcing solutions on others that aren’t ours to force, the world would be a little gentler and kinder place. 

Bullying is bullying whether it's for "good" or "evil." 

And sometimes what appears to be a positive on the surface is really nothing more than a negative in disguise.

Just sayin’ y’all. 

Food for thought.

For what it's worth.

(wink) 

(she waves) bye, bye 2011

OK – 2011 is over.  And I can’t say I’m exactly sorry to see it go. 

In fact if my truth be told, I’m kinda like, “Good-bye, good riddance – and may the door hit you (hard) on the ass as you leave.”

Now don’t get me wrong – in many respects, it was the best year ever!  My granddaughter, the (cherished) Princess Olivia was born.  And I can and will say she is truly one of the brightest and most sparkly lights in my life – for many reasons too numerous to list. And I will hold to my heart and treasure forever the memory of my son’s face as he placed his precious newborn daughter in my arms and said “here, Grandma.”

It doesn’t get much better than that.

But 2011 was also one of the hardest and heaviest and most painful and (at times) overwhelming years I’ve had in a while. 

When I stood on the threshold of 2011 and chose my “one little word” for the upcoming year:

truth – as in tell the truth, know the truth, seek the truth,

I had no idea what kind of truth seeing and telling and seeking and discerning lessons and opportunities for growth I would be given.      

Nope.

 I was pretty much only thinking about Jesus saying, "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" as I (ok - naively) envisioned myself frolicking (merrily, happily, and joyously) through 2011’s meadows of sunshine and light, saying “no thank you” when I wanted to, or “I don’t want to” when I didn’t, without feeling encumbered or responsible or obligated or guilty.

You know – that kind of truth telling.    

But the universe had other plans and lessons for my one little word. 

This quote was on one of my 2011 journal pages:

When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time. When a person tells you who they are, pay attention and listen closely instead of arguing with them because you want them to be someone else. (Maya Angelou)

All I can say is be careful what you wish for because it just might be granted.  Because in my case (in this case) it was.

Certain people I thought loved me showed me they didn’t.  Certain people I thought were my friends showed me they weren’t.  Certain people who told me they would be with me forever, left without a goodbye.

Every single relationship I had was shoved up under the light of uncompromised truth.  I accept that it had to happen, and in fact I opened the door for it to happen and asked for it by choosing truth as my focus word.  And, I can also say that right now today, I am in a better place for it – clearing out the muck and yuk of toxic or negative relationships leaves wide open space to focus on the good, positive and supportive relationships, which is what I wanted in the first place. 

It’s just that, well (inserting a whine here)…..it was a bitch and some of it really, really sucked - you know? 

Then, as if all that relationship moving and shaking and upheaval wasn’t enough, my own body turned against me as a final hurrah, and I was forced to become really cognizant of the relationship I had with it too.

The doctors thought I had leukemia, but the tests showed I didn’t.

So then they said lymphoma, and I was poked and prodded and force fed glow in the dark chemicals and scanned – only to find out it wasn’t that either. 
And then I had to have a hysterectomy with 8 weeks of recuperation.
And I was barely recovered from that when my back went out and I was unable to walk (without crutches) for 6 weeks.
 And although I’m walking (for the most part) on my own again, I have had to make major changes in lifestyle and I’m not exactly always gracious about it.  (Although I’m working on it.)
 
Then, the whole back thing brought up memories (flashbacks) of the night I went backwards down a flight of stairs and laying on the cold cement floor of the basement, told my nine year old self that there was no-one I could ever trust to protect me or help me and I was (and always would be) on my own.  I had stuck to some version of that story for 45 years and it really needed to be held up to a new light of truth in today.

All of that mentioned above left me a little too aware of my powerlessness.

A little more vulnerable that I’m comfortable with.
And a little scared.

(pausing to catch my breath)

So you can see why, at the threshold of 2012 where I once again choose my “one little word” – I was a little gun-shy. 

But as they say…..no guts, no glory, and I have always been a bit of a scrapper.  I am a queen and it’s not in my nature to shrink and hide in the corner.

But I can be a little less arrogant.

So,  (taking a deep breath and ok – crouching down just a little bit) here goes……

My one little word that I release out into the universe for 2012 is:

em·brace

1. to take or clasp in the arms; press to the bosom; hug.

2. to take or receive gladly or eagerly; accept willingly: to embrace an idea.
3. to avail oneself of: to embrace an opportunity.
4. to adopt.
5. to take in with the eye or the mind.
6. to encircle; surround; enclose.
7. to include or contain.

That’s it.  Embrace.

As in embrace the wonder and joy and blessings in my life. As in embrace giggles and laughter and fun. As in embrace deservedness, and sovereignty and sacred. As in embrace love and friendship and family. Embrace it and hold it close to my heart.

This is where I have always laughed out loud and said, “Let the games begin!”
“Come and get me, my one little word.”
With gusto,  “Bring it on!”  
Maybe that's where I got in trouble - sounding like I was throwing down a gauntlet or something.  
So this year I'll still say it, but change the tone of my voice.

And add something.  

A humble (yes really) little plea.  

Hey Universe, I'm still feeling a little battered and dinged from 2011, so could you maybe be a little gentler with me and my one little word this year?

Please? 

(Seriously. It can't hurt to ask.)

Right?