no thank you

Distance yourself from negative people. – Every time you subtract negative from your life you make room for more positive. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. Let go of negative people, for they are the greatest destroyers of self confidence and self esteem. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you. (Mark and Angel Blog)

Yea. 

That’s my new mantra for 2012.

Where I say, (politely but firmly), "no thank you" to people who suck the happy and confident right out of me.  

Especially since right now, I feel like I’m a pawn in the middle of a battle of wills that I don’t want to be involved in or fight.

(sigh)      

It started out with a person who is known as a bit of a bully telling me (angrily) what I can and can’t do, or what I should and shouldn’t do about something that isn’t any of her business in the first place in front of people who then felt it was their right to tell me (in my personal opinion just as forcibly as the bully) what I should and shouldn’t do about it or take from her.

And even though they tell me they are just looking out for me, (and I believe they believe they are) what they don’t see is that from my end, it feels the same.

It’s just another version of bullying.

No matter how prettily it’s wrapped. 
Or how empowering it seems on the surface.
It’s still being shoved on me.
Forcibly.  Passionately.

Both sides are (in effect) telling me what I should and shouldn’t do in a situation based on their own perceptions,  personal agendas and/or triggers, about what's right or wrong, and no matter what kind of positive spin they try to put on it (whether for me or for them) or how well they justify their stand - to me, it all shakes down to be the same thing in the end. 

And the hypocrisy (am I the only one that can see it?) makes me want to bang my head against the wall in frustration.

So, feeling a little battered after the latest onslaught, I was debriefing with my bff on the phone:

“What did you say?” she asked.
“Nothing” I say, somewhat dejectedly, “I just sat there and took it.”
She laughs.  “No you didn’t,” she says, “I know you better than that.  You were saying all kinds of things back to her in your head and formulating a plan for how you would handle her in the future weren’t you?”
“Yea, I was.” I admit with a smile.

And we both laugh because she knows me inside and out - exactly what I do and how I do it in my own way and in my own time.

Years ago I came up with the perfect antidote for situations that leave me feeling somewhat impotent.  With the help of a simple little graphics program, I take the offending person’s head and put it on a cow body. 

imagine a mean, negative person's head on this body

It works every time.

In the privacy of my own mind. 

Without taking hostages. 

Much better (for me) than the thought of an ill prepared and awkward confrontation that has my heart pounding and my stomach tied up in knots.

Yep - it might have looked like I sat there and “took it” to others looking in, but the truth is, I didn’t.

So this is my stand and where I plant my flag; just because you can take someone on and battle it out, doesn’t mean I can or want to or should, nor do you have any right to expect me to.  Likewise, just because you didn’t stand up to a bully in your own life doesn’t mean you can force me into doing it so you can live vicariously through me.

Maybe if we all thought about that before forcing solutions on others that aren’t ours to force, the world would be a little gentler and kinder place. 

Bullying is bullying whether it's for "good" or "evil." 

And sometimes what appears to be a positive on the surface is really nothing more than a negative in disguise.

Just sayin’ y’all. 

Food for thought.

For what it's worth.

(wink)