just one?

So in the interview, she asked me what I’ve learned about life and what one message I would most want young women of today to hear……


Hindsight being 20/20 and all.

And I laughed. For several reasons. One, because it’s just like a 20 something woman (with her whole life ahead of her) to think the experiences of 5 decades can be summed up in one brief (and profound) message; and two because I remember what it is to be a young woman with my whole life ahead of me – wondering what a 50 something woman knows about life in the world that I live in.

So what have I learned about life?
My life?
A woman’s life?

Lots.

I know now that my greatest contribution to the world was never what I did in the doing, but
rather who I was in the being. That the kind of person I was from my heart was much more important, and more clearly defined “success” than the degrees I accumulated, the job I held, the house I lived in, the car I drove, or whether my work was published or not.

I know now that there were no ultimate solutions outside my self and that I was always
the source for the acceptance, approval and connection I sought in other people, places
and circumstances.

I know now that despite all the people I tried to blame at various times in my life, no-one but me held myself prisoner to unobtainable (and unrealistic) standards of perfection; expecting myself to have all the right answers for everyone and everything all the time.

I know now that “I don’t know” is sometimes the best answer.

I know now that true strength isn’t about being stoic or self sufficient or doing it all myself, but rather being able to ask for help when I’m over my head and pretending to be in control when I’m not.

I know now that despite the times I felt otherwise, I was never alone – there were always those who were there to guide me, encourage me and love me on my journey – if I had just loved myself enough to allow myself to be loved, guided and encouraged without judging myself needy or weak or somehow lacking in the process.

I know now that life didn’t have to be lived with such busyness, urgency, intensity and
always in terms of “tomorrow.” That I didn’t have to fill every second of every day being productive – and how important it is to leave room to do nothing more than sit back quietly - exhale and let go, and accept that despite my best attempts to confine it, control it, schedule it and/or manage it, life still happened on life’s terms more often than not.

I know now that the biggest difference between God and I is that (unlike me) he never, ever, thought he was me and more capable of doing my job than I was.

I now know that ‘not having time’ for myself was a self-created, isolating and limiting illusion and that it wasn’t ever about “finding” time, but rather making or taking time for what filled my heart and fed my soul.

I know now that life is precious and we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow to do or be or say the things we didn’t get to in the today.

I know now that my commitment to another’s happiness cannot be greater than their commitment to their own happiness and no matter how hard I try, I can never be the source of another’s happiness just as they cannot be the source of mine.

I know now that no person can ever love me enough to make up for how much I don’t love myself if I don’t and that I cannot give out what I don’t have within myself.

I know now that seeing my life as the glass half empty or the glass half full is a choice that is mine and mine alone. And that the good and bad in my life is only as good or bad as I allow it, define it or perceive it to be.

I know now that birds of a feather do indeed flock together, and misery loves company, but so does happiness and it is more than ok to be a lot more consciously discerning about where I fly.

But most importantly, I know now that anger, resentment, grudges and anything else that stands in the way of love is meaningless in the broad scope of what’s truly important. I know now that true grace is in the quiet and silent moments of just being, and true joy is in the simplicity of taking a breath and being fully present in the moment with those I love and those who love me.

And I know now that I know these things because I AM fifty something. I am a little more tired and a little less self absorbed; certainly much more prepared and willing to listen and learn the things I was moving way too fast to hear in my 20’s and 30’s and even into my 40’s.

So in the interview, she asked me what I’ve learned about life and what one message I would most want young women of today to hear……

And I wasn’t thinking of “young women” but rather my own daughters (in-law) and my precious granddaughter when I said,

“You are a blessing and a gift to the world. Remember that in everything you do and act accordingly. Put love first – always. Give yourself permission to say “yes please” when you want and “no thank you” when you don’t. Make and take time for what fills your heart and feeds your soul – without apology or excuse. And be kind – in your words and thoughts – especially with yourself.”

I’m not so sure the “young women” of the world asked for my sage advice, but my family is kind of a captive audience. Whether they want to be or not.

It is one small advantage of being the Queen Mother……..and I rather enjoy pulling rank every now and then.