new beginnings and fresh starts

I’ve heard that we teach to others what we ourselves most need to learn.

Interesting concept – eh?
I believe it because it’s been proven time and time again in my life.

For example....I’m facilitating a workshop called “the Sovereignty of a Woman” and we’re talking about core foundational beliefs. I say: “ if one of your core foundational beliefs is that you are loveable, you will have successful relationships - attracting and surrounding yourself with people who validate and affirm (i.e. proving to yourself) your “loveability.” On the other hand, if your core foundational belief is that you are un-loveable, you will find yourself in relationships that are full of conflict and surrounded by people who are incapable of loving you (for whatever reason) thus validating and affirming (i.e. proving to yourself) how “un-loveable” you are.”

swallow, Dani.
and breathe.
another layer of the proverbial onion is about to be peeled.

yippee.

I think about the last three years and the relationships that have come and gone. The people who took and took and took, the people who lied to me and about me and, ultimately betrayed me without a backwards glance.

Yea those people.
What the hell was I doing?
What was I validating and affirming there with them?
Because I gotta tell you,  after 20+ years of (diligently and deeply) working on myself, I thought I was done with all that crap.
Seriously.

A whole bunch of voices came flooding in from the shadows and roamed, free range through my head, settling into the most strong and powerful: “you can’t trust anyone because everyone is only out for themselves and in the end they will always (always) betray you and your heart will be broken.”

A haunting (and taunting) voice from my past rises from the dead.
Or so I thought.

I spent a whole lot of years fighting that particular voice; searching for ways to prove it wrong and in some cases, looking for the loophole -  which I found. 

Or so I thought.

But, “you can’t trust anyone because…” had fallen off the consciousness wagon and resumed its errant ways, once again seeking validation – becoming a true assessment and/or statement because I was (albeit unconsciously) back to attracting truth to it like a picnic table attracts flies.

Bleeck and yuk.

No, no, no – I say stomping my foot.
No more.
Pull me out of the oven and stick a fork in me.
I’m done.

YEARS ago my spiritual mentor and teacher told me one of the reasons I continuously tripped myself up and got in so much trouble was because I trusted people and loved God. “You have it backwards,” she said, telling me I needed to switch it up – trusting in God and being a reflection of love to others.

I obviously forgot that.

And for years I had a prayer that I prayed each and every day – humbly asking that all the outside “stuff” that kept God from coming first and me from being authentically and heartfully me be removed from my life, and then simply asking for the willingness to be willing to let go of that which needed to be removed.

Before I got myself so busy I forgot that too.

But now I remember.
And I’ll be praying it again.
Starting with please and ending with thank you.
New beginning and fresh starts.
Out with the old, worn out and self defeating.
Seriously.

God smiles from ear to ear and says, “Dani!! Yes!! I’ve missed you!! Now pull up a chair because we’ve got a lot of catching up to do….”

And so I sit.
Smiling back.
Because it feels so blessed good to be back.